"Reality" Bites

Perhaps there never has been a name for an entire genre of television that's as mis-named as the term "Reality TV."

Here's what's "reality TV", in my book: a camera, or two, recording the everyday, mundane goings-on in the life of the poor sap in whose home the recording devices have been planted -- with or without his consent. You know -- feeding his washing machine, feeding his dog. Washing his dishes, washing his dog. Taking out the trash. Opening mail. Sitting on the couch, clicker in hand, channel surfing.

What do you mean, BORING?

That's reality, folks. Not what's being served up on every channel, it seems, on the "dial" (remember THAT term?) these days, from CBS to Bravo to The Discovery Channel.

"Reality TV." Really?

This is one of the versions of "reality TV" that the networks are cramming down our throats, and note that it's a lot different than my version a few paragraphs ago: Contestants (GOTTA have contestants) vie for some sort of "prize". Judges with smarmy attitudes humiliate them. Crying happens. Contestants get eliminated, like chess pieces. More judging. More crying. The chess pieces go home, until just the King (or Queen) remains. "Drama" ensues when the contestants/chess pieces invariably don't get along with each other, and now THEY'RE getting smarmy attitudes, too.

Version two is a closer play on my "home" version from above. Strategically-placed cameras -- some operated by robots, other by people, do indeed follow Joe Shmoe around. But Shmoe has a family, or a girlfriend, and boy, do they have constant drama! More drama than, frankly, the shows that the networks used to produce -- the ones with scripts and actors and everything.

If you think that "reality TV" seems to have more ups and downs than a Six Flags rollercoaster -- and thus way more than anything that's really real, well there you have it. And if you suspect, like me, that their version of "reality" just might include some not-so-real moments of scripted strife, then I commend you for your observation skills.

The fact is, "reality TV" -- and I refuse to write it without the quotes -- doesn't have a lick of reality to it at all.

But it's, sadly, here to stay, because why pay writers and actors and stuff when you can prop up a bunch of Joe and Jane Shmoes, give them some framework of direction to follow, and tell them to have at it? And don't think that there aren't some "take twos" involved. ABC's recently-maligned "The Bachelor" brought the suspicion of scripted "reality TV" to the fore. I'm on that conspiracy theory bandwagon, big time.

Am I simply being cynical? Naah -- just real.

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