Monday, June 1, 2009

Two Blonde Ms

Marilyn Monroe would be 83 today. If she didn't die nearly 47 years ago, that is.

Her lover, John Kennedy, would be 92.

It's fascinating, to me, to imagine iconic figures at advanced ages.

Can you picture a 74-year-old Elvis Presley?

Ole Pelvis Elvis, at 74?

It comes to mind because, word is, new photos of Marilyn have surfaced, never before published.

But it's not as juicy as it sounds. Apparently the pics were taken before she was a megastar, and show her in a very wholesome light.

Well, nuts!

The shoot dates back to 1950 and was conducted by photographer Ed Clark of Life magazine.

"She hasn't really exploded as a star, yet she was on the brink of something big," says Dawnie Walton, deputy editor at Life.com, a Web site harboring more than 7 million Life magazine photographs. The site was launched in March.

Marilyn was something else, alright, but I still prefer Jayne Mansfield, if you're talking va-va-voom blondes who died prematurely.

Two myths: 1) Marilyn was murdered; 2) Jayne was decapitated.

I know, not the most pleasant topic du jour, but there you have it.

Monroe, the conspiracy wackos suggest, was silenced to keep her from revealing meaty details of an affair with Bobby Kennedy, among other things.

So they (whomever "they" was) broke into her house, and drugged her. Some say via a rectal suppository.

I don't make this stuff up, folks.

It is fact, though, that MM spoke to RFK not long before she died.

That was all that was needed to get the conspiracy wackos fired up.


Monroe (top) and Mansfield: Who's your pick?


As for Mansfield, she died in a horrific car wreck in Louisiana in 1967.

An infamous photo was snapped at the scene and published in Kenneth Anger's wonderful book, Hollywood Babylon.

In the photo, some blonde tresses can be seen. Because of the circumstances of the accident--Mansfield was in the passenger's seat when the car rear-ended a pesticide truck, shearing off the car's roof--the sight of the hair was deemed to be confirmation of her beheading.

Only, the "hair" was a wig, and Mansfield's death wasn't quite that gruesome. Not that it was pleasant.

She suffered from avulsion, which is a sort of scalping.

But not decapitated.

The actress Mariska Hargitay, Mansfield's daughter, was a toddler at the time of the crash, and was, indeed, in the backseat of the car at the time of the accident.

Monroe was 36 at the time of her death, Mansfield 34.

I preferred Jayne over Marilyn, because Jayne just seemed prettier to me, frankly.

My opinion.

Jayne would be 75, by the way. Wonder if she'd still be yummier than the 83-year-old Marilyn.

Mae West made it to 87 before passing away in 1980.

She tried mightily, but age kicked her once-shapely rear end.

It tends to do that, eh?

Oh, and Mae was a woman.

Another urban myth: Mae was really a man.

If that was the case, W.C. Fields would have kicked her/his ass. W.C. didn't care much for Mae, and vice-versa.

They would have taken it outside, if the fight was man-to-man, don't ya think?

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