Johnny Beefcake

Johnny Depp is the Sexiest Man Alive. Especially in my house, which includes me, a man. You want to know how you can be the only male and still finish in second place? Be married to a woman who'd pick up Depp's socks from the floor and consider it as good as foreplay.

But that's OK. There's no shame in finishing second to Johnny Depp, whether it's in terms of sexiness or in acting talent.

Depp got the People Magazine tag for the male version of va-va-voom this year, but I don't know what you win for such an honor. The winners of these things already have riches and adoring females. And their healthy good looks. Is there an award?

Depp can be the Sexiest Man Alive. But I have a feeling that he'd rather be the Best Actor Alive, which he damn well might be. The many faces of Johnny Depp have included gangster John Dillinger, an effeminate pirate, a homicidal barber, a boy with scissors for hands, and some quirky young man named Benny.

Depp doesn't play characters, he morphs into them. He could do God and have Moses look at the Almighty One cross-eyed afterward.

"You could work on some things," old Moses might say.

One of the best acting jobs I ever saw was when Depp played the title role in "Donnie Brasco," a gripping film and true story about an FBI guy who goes so deep undercover as a mobster that he just about loses himself and his family.

Depp shared many scenes with Al Pacino, no less, and it was the acting version of "Dueling Banjos" for two hours. It was one of those movies where you don't sit down to watch it---you get strapped in.

Such is Depp's range as an actor, and at a time when so many of them are afraid to branch out further than their arm reach. A cynic would say that those types are only in it for the money. A righteous cynic.

I'd kill to see Depp play the Joker in the next Batman flick. But it wouldn't be fair to the late Heath Ledger, because Heath wouldn't have the chance to see Depp's performance and raise it.

Depp never looks the same in his movies, because he's never playing the same guy. Hell, he's not even playing the same era, the same country, the same village, the same story.

Johnny Depp's roles are the snowflakes of acting. No two are the same.

While they're at it, People might want to hand out the Nicest Man Alive designation, too. Depp would be a finalist for that one as well.

It's been documented that Johnny Depp is a true gentleman in a business where there are so few of them anymore. You can seek his autograph without being sneered at, cursed, and shoved, for starters. Quite the contrary; you're even likely to get a smile and some conversation. Or so say signature hounds in Hollywood who should know.

He seems to have a soft spot for kids.

During the filming of "Public Enemies," in which Depp played Dillinger, a youngster who had wandered near the set became enamored of Depp---but more specifically, the fedora the actor was wearing in the movie.

The kid, who didn't know any better, relayed his fondness of the hat to Depp himself. Depp, as is his wont, took interest in the kid and made some small talk.

Several weeks after filming, the kid got a package in the mail. It was the fedora, sent by Johnny Depp.

You can count on one hand how many of Depp's ilk would have pulled that one off.

Our daughter adores Depp, too. She has nice taste in men.

Depp: I really can't blame my wife, after all

There are movie stars, and there are actors. And there are masters of their craft. Rarely are all three the same person.

They are if you're Johnny Depp, who only happens to be the finest actor of his generation. You heard me.

Name me one who's better, if you don't believe me. I dare ya.

Depp is only 46, and a quick check of his page at shows that he's not slowing down. There's another "Pirates of the Caribbean" flick in the works. Something called "The Tourist." Another one that goes by "The Rum Diary," which almost sounds like another Jack Sparrow vehicle but isn't.

Oh, and he's going to be the Mad Hatter in an "Alice in Wonderland" project that's currently in post-production.

Thank goodness he's not like Marlon Brando and Warren Beatty, marvelous talents who worked far too infrequently. Rather, Depp is making more like Michael Caine, who acts because that's what he is, for good or for bad.

You wanna make the guy happy, People Magazine?

Here's one: Johnny Depp, Best Damn Actor Alive.


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