Warren Conned

It's been said that the only thing that could survive a nuclear holocaust is the cockroach.

That, and the Warren Consolidated Schools.

I suspect that Warren Con, as it's so aptly called for short, would steadfastly refuse to shutter its doors even as nuclear winter rained down and the air was as toxic as a Rush Limbaugh/Glenn Beck lunch.

Over 420 school districts said "forget it" this morning, as a winter storm bulled its way through the metro Detroit area overnight and throughout much of the day today. Big districts, little districts, and the ones in between--they all decided to live to teach another day.

Not Warren Con.

They've pulled this nonsense before, and as you've guessed by now I have a child in that district.

For whatever reason--maybe a curious, strange desire to be known as the District Least Likely to Close for the Day--Warren Con has been stubborn in the face of snowstorms, extreme cold, and ice. They're more bullheaded than the U.S. Mail in that regard.

But this isn't a service that's being delivered to your mailbox under duress; this is the ridiculous, ham-handed shoe-horning of kids and staff and parents onto roads that all the "Weather Authorities" are pleading for us to avoid.

Districts who closed today no doubt did so largely because of the day's forecast, which called for ongoing snow beyond just the morning drive/rush to work and school. They reasoned, smartly, that to stay open would only cause headaches later in the day. The only thing worse than making everyone navigate treacherous roads once is to make them do it twice.

I saw some districts on the "closed" list today who hardly ever take closing lightly. It was that kind of snow, that kind of forecast. But no one takes closing as hard as Warren Con. They make mules look open-minded.

I don't know what gratification there is in being "the district that didn't close when 420+ of them did." Are they looking for a gold star on their forehead from the Department of Education in Lansing?

There are several snow days budgeted per year, per district. After those are used, extra days are tacked onto the end of the year. Warren Con has used one so far--and that's likely because it came on what was scheduled to be a Count Day, back on February 10. Count Day is when the schools officially count their enrollment, which plays a big role in getting dollars.

Count Day would have been a disaster, had Warren Con held school that day. So they closed.

They didn't do it for the kids, believe me.

There might have been other districts in Metro Detroit who stayed open today, though you'd be hard-pressed to find one. The list of closings was as exhaustive as I've ever seen.

But whoever those open districts are, they can't compare to Warren Con, the 24-hour diner of school districts.

You know what else Warren Con has in common with the always-open diner?

They both cause heartburn.


  1. My opinion is that you always err on the side of caution/safety. Less than two weeks into my new position, I had to make the decision to be the only district in our area closed. But, a few of our roads were blown shut (really!) and with only four buses, we would have had low attendance for much, if not all, the day. And, there's no way I want kids stuck on buses! So, if you say you do things with kids in mind, then you put them first: NO MATTER WHAT!


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