Friday, June 4, 2010

Friday's Favs

(Note: every Friday I'll post a favorite rant from the archives)

from March 10, 2010


Now THAT'S a Toughie


Chuck Norris is 70 and he can still kick your ass.

The tough guys in Hollywood stay that way till the day they die.

Bob Mitchum was still petrifying and intimidating, engulfing every camera shot well past the age of 70. I wouldn't have trusted Dick Widmark, no matter how old he was. Clint Eastwood need only take a step toward you, and I guarantee you'll shake in your loafers. And Clint will be 80 in a couple of months.

Some of them didn't get to live very long. Bruce Lee comes to mind.

But the ones who hold AARP cards in one hand while they throttle you with the other are as much a part of Tinseltown as hot dogs are a part of baseball.

Norris has been kicking, punching, flipping, and pancaking bad guys on screen for about 40 years now. He's also been a TV and movie producer, and even a writer---penning some episodes of "Walker, Texas Ranger."




What Chuck Norris hasn't been, is an actor.

Norris doesn't act, he reacts. It doesn't matter that the next line of dialogue he delivers with any emotion or pathos will be his first. That's not his role. He's there to scowl, sneer, and open up a can of whoop ass.

And he's made a hell of a living doing it.

Norris can't act, but most of the great actors can't fight their way out of a wet paper bag, so there you go.

He's 70 today, Chuck Norris is, and I bet one day he's going to dare God to remove him from this Earth. And His Greatness---and I mean God, not Norris---might just be too intimidated to do it.

Norris might live to be a modern day Methuselah because everyone is too scared to have him upstairs or downstairs in the after life.

Norris could probably cause Satan to back down, and get him to turn the heat down too, while he was at it.

Don't believe me? Here's Chuck himself, quoted from his IMDb page: "There are a dozen death spots, another dozen paralyzing death spots, and many, many disabling spots on the body. We human beings are quite fragile, you know."

He knows this from experience, by the way.

Norris doesn't reserve his ass kicking to the screen, either. He's vigorously campaigned for Republicans throughout the years.

"I haven't always been warmly welcomed for holding my conservative positions in Hollywood," he once said. "Then again, I've never been very good at being politically correct either, on or off screen. So why start now?"

YOU tell him otherwise.

Happy Birthday, Chuck!

Please don't hurt me.

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