Thursday, January 19, 2012

Nature or Plastic?

Lesley Visser, the statuesque, longtime correspondent for CBS Sports, was on my TV screen last weekend. And I barely recognized her.

She had that "look" about her. The one that has, more and more, vexed both male and female celebrities---though more female than male.

The "look" is what we'll refer to here as "the Joan Rivers Syndrome."

You know---plastic surgery gone wild.

WHY are so many people in the entertainment industry who appear on stage or in front of the camera allowing butchers to take to their face?

The results aren't pretty---literally.

Lesley Visser, I thought, was an attractive woman in her 50s who was aging quite well---and naturally. Yes, she had a jogging accident in 2006 which required some surgery to her face, but what I saw last weekend as she did some pre-game NFL playoff work, was above and beyond the call of duty, so to speak.

She's hardly alone.

Even Marie Osmond---yes, Kewpie doll-cute Marie Osmond---looks to have gone under the knife. And I thought her Mormon beliefs would have forbade such work.

The Joan Rivers Syndrome is hard to pinpoint. You can tell that someone who's afflicted with the Syndrome has had something done, but you can't quite narrow it down to anything specific. Rather, the entire face has an unnatural puffiness to it. The eyes are more almond shaped. The lips are thicker. The skin has a smoothness to it that makes it resemble something that the folks at Madame Tussauds came up with, using their magic wax.

The Syndrome victims look, at the same time, like they went 15 rounds in a boxing ring, and had their face ironed. It's a strange combination, which is why it looks so grotesque.

I don't know why those who opt for plastic surgery think the "after" looks better than the "before." In fact, the "after" makes them look like they are suffering from some sort of glandular disease.


THIS is why I named it Joan Rivers Syndrome


Dolly Parton, who has a new movie out with Queen Latifah, also has Joan Rivers Syndrome (heck, let's start calling it JRS for short).

Heather Locklear, another one.

And on and on.

Wayne Newton, among the men, maybe looks the creepiest nowadays. How ironic, for if anyone has a job for life in the entertainment industry, it's Wayne-o. Yet he opted to have his face reconstructed, and when I saw him last year on "Dancing With the Stars," I was appalled. Even natural facial expressions like smiling looked weird, thanks to JRS.

The worst part is that the plastic surgery can't be undone. Once the knife is lowered, its work is oh-so-permanent. And for the worse.

Give me the celebrity who chooses to let nature take its course, rather than the one who causes you to want DNA to prove their identity.

Oh, if you want to look at some more plastic surgery catastrophes, click HERE. Good luck.

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