Seasons, Shmeasons

They will tell you that Michigan is still a state of four seasons. Do not believe them.

Somehow, sometime---and I haven't been able to pinpoint when it happened---we in Michigan stopped having four seasons and now have two. OK, two-and-a-half---at best.

The seasons have also changed names.

They are now "bloody hot" and "chilly/damp."

Whatever happened to a crisp, fall afternoon? Or a soothing spring day with an air freshener-like aroma all about?

Seems all we have now is unseasonable weather; you know, weird, mild winters and blazing hot Septembers.

Actually, the word "unseasonable" is probably not even accurate, because as I said, where have the seasons gone?

We had 84 degrees in March, which was the tail end of a winter in which I picked up a snow shovel all of three times. I'm not complaining about the lack of snow; far be it. It's just that the human body is very sensitive to temperature changes, and in Michigan those changes have been as abrupt as sticking your head in the freezer and removing it.

Tell me, how do you decide what to wear each day in this burg?

Chances are, what you put on in the morning will be too damn hot for mid-day, and what you don in mid-day will chill you to the bone that evening. And so on.

If you own a pool in Michigan, which we don't anymore, good luck to you.

I remember our first pool season. It was 1998. We purchased in May and it was installed several days later. We were swimming---comfortably, not just to do it---in mid-May.

Try that nowadays.

The swimming season in Michigan is like a snow cone on a hot day---it's rapidly shrinking.

Gone is May-September, which is what it was in 1998.

Now you're lucky if you get two good months (June and July) in. August can't even be trusted anymore. The chilly days have pervaded even the eighth month on occasion in recent years.

I really miss the fall. May it rest in peace.

Summer kind of melds, nowadays, into a chilly, wet slop of an October and November anymore. Actually, it starts in September, truth be told.

The four seasons are a thing of the past. Not that it's always a bad thing. I like an unseasonably warm day as much as the next fellow.

I just don't know how to dress. And that's kind of important, wouldn't you say?


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